Turning Twenty: The Third Decade

Today I turn 20 years old. Wow… What did I ever do to deserve 20 years of life on this earth? Twenty is a big deal. It’s bigger than 16, 19, or even 21. Twenty is not just an age, it’s not just another year of my life: twenty is the start of a new decade for me. I don’t know about you, but I get excited about a fresh start, a clean slate, a new life, a second chance. 

I was born. I loved the first decade of my life and then I turned ten. When I turned ten, things changed for me. I was old enough to be responsible for myself. I could brush my own teeth, tie my shoes by myeslf, answer the phone, and reach the sink to wash the dishes without stitting on the counter. 10 was a new start; I was no longer a little kid anymore. The second decade was where I grew up, developed my mind, and learned how to live life. The first ten years of my life were a good decade, and the second… Well, let’s just say that I have reasons for loving the thought of a new start. 

We all make mistakes, we all slip and fall, but I have the opportunity of a new decade; a new life. What was accomplished in the second decade has prepared me for this third one. In this decade I hope to get steady writing jobs, or a full time position of some kind in consulting, editing, or content creation. I would like to begin a YouTube channel to further my realm of influence and hopefully point a few people to Christ. I want to be a better witness than I was, a better person than I was. A new start is only a fresh start, and it can only succeed if you have goals set for yourself.

With God’s help, this third decade will be the best decade yet. Though, to be honest, I’m terrified of it. The third decade of my life is impending mistakes, garuanteed failure, long hours, hard work, and i just wanna live out a legacy that will last. I don’t want to leave the legacy of the second decade: a confused, stupid, insecure, anger-driven teenage boy who hid his feelings behind spite and sarcasm. I don’t want to be that kid anymore. I just want to be real.

More than anything, I’m hoping, though hope without prayer is like water without a boat: you may be able to travel, but it will be hard, and the longer you remain still, the more chance you have of going under. I’m praying that God will mold me into the man I should be; that he will use this third decade of my life to live out His story and make a difference for eternity.

Looking forward in fear mingled with an odd sense of excitement for what lies ahead…

As always, thanks for reading.

—the anonymous novelist 

Ahab the Godless

Ahab, husband of Jezebel, King of Israel, wicked in the sight of The Lord. Ahab was a slayer of prophets, a builder of high places, who married to a pagan woman that brought her gods and idols to Israel. Ahab ruled during the time of Elijah, the prophet of God, and was in constant strife with Elijah. But, what many people don’t know about Ahab, is the full extent of his evil. My analysis of Ahab starts now.

Ahab ruled in Israel during the time that Asa, the the king of Judah, ruled. Ahab was the son of Omri, (another wicked king), and ruled Israel for 22 years.

And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the LORD above all that were before him. And it came to pass, as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him. And he reared up an altar for Baal in the house of Baal, which he had built in Samaria. And Ahab made a grove; and Ahab did more to provoke the LORD God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel that were before him.

–1 Kings 16:30-33

That opening sentence should hit hard. Asa was the third king of Judah, and Ahab are was the seventh king of Israel in the times, the scripture says that Ahab did evil in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him. Thus, Ahab was the most despicable king Israel had ever seen.
What did he do that was so evil… Well the Bible says: as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebay, that he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal, king of Zidonians, and went and served Baal and worshipped him.

Here we see two great sins of intentionality: the sin of deliberately bringing idols and pagan gods to Israel by marrying a Phonecian woman–the Phonecians were notorious enemies of God’s people. As I’ve mentioned before, Tyre/Tyrus, was a Phonecian city and known as God’s hated city.–, and also that he turned away from God and worshipped Baal. The reason I say that they were intentional sins and deliberate is because of the first line of verse 31: as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam. It was nothing to Ahab to follow in the steps of his evil ancestor. And, as if that was not a concern of his, with the goal of bringing evil into Israel, he married the daughter of a tribe of Israel’s enemies for the purpose of stirring up God’s wrath and bringing godlessness to Israel.

Ahab wasn’t oblivious to what he was doing, he was intentionally trying to destroy the legacy, “God’s chosen people”, that was a part of Israel. But, not only was he a wicked king, and a terrible person, Ahab was a baby. Read how he handles Naboth’s rejection in this next passage.

And it came to pass after these things, that Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard, which was in Jezreel, hard by the palace of Ahab king of Samaria. And Ahab spake unto Naboth, saying, Give me thy vineyard, that I may have it for a garden of herbs, because it is near unto my house: and I will give thee for it a better vineyard than it; or, if it seem good to thee, I will give thee the worth of it in money. And Naboth said to Ahab, The LORD forbid it me, that I should give the inheritance of my fathers unto thee. And 

Ahab came into his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him: for he had said, I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers. And he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread. But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said unto him, Why is thy spirit so sad, that thou eatest no bread? And he said unto her, Because I spake unto Naboth the Jezreelite, and said unto him, Give me thy vineyard for money; or else, if it please thee, I will give thee another vineyard for it: and he answered, I will not give thee my vineyard.

–1 Kings 21:1-6

So, Naboth’s won’t sell him the vineyard of his fathers, what does Ahab do? He goes home and pouts, laying around the house, refusing to look at anyone or eat amything. The king of Israel! He is pouting on his bed over a vintage that he couldn’t have. This is rediculous. Is this the legacy he wants to leave? But it wasn’t just Naboth, when Ahab took reign he slew the prophets of God by the hundreds. Not because they were physically dangerous to him, and not because they were a danger to Israel, but because what they said made him feel bad. He didn’t like hearing their message of repentance because it hurt his feelings. So, he killed them. The king of Israel!

With such a legacy, such a man must come to some great destruction, right? Wrong. Jezebel, his queen contrived to get Ahab the vineyard by getting rid of Naboth. When Ahab heard what she had done, he rent his clothes and wept before the Lord. God saw this repentance and promised to spare Ahab the wrath of his reign and place it upon his son instead. Wow! What a legacy to leave behind… Ahab was such a terrible man and a terrible father, that he would stir up God’s wrath, and then not take the force of it, but hand it down to his son to receive. That is the legacy of a coward and a snake. 

Many times we read of future kings of Israel and they are referenced as doing sominthing evil, “as Ahab had done.“, and his name is still in infamy to this day. The Godless king of Israel.

As always, thanks for reading.

—the anonymous novelist

Discontent with Contentment

I think I’m in love…

Now, I could go ahead and tell you that there is this person in my life whom I have admired for a long time. I could go on to say that we have been growing close and that I am in a way to fall hopelessly in love with this person. I could say that she is the most beautiful, most Godly, most loving, most courageous, and the most kind person I have ever met; that every time I look at her my heart stops and I have to pause and catch my breath. 

I could tell you that a more radiant person never existed and that if I used my imagination, I would fancy myself very much in love. I could tell you all of this, but I’d be lying. 

Truth be told, I am not in love. I do not hold the feelings for another that would cause me to do anything for them. My heart is my own, it has not been given to another. I’d like to say that I am content with these circumstances, that life is fine as it is. But, I cannot say those things in honesty. God has given to me a restless spirit, one that hates idleness and seeks purpose, seeks love, seeks greatness. I find it hard to be content.

I find it difficult to be satisfied even when I try to justify my current state of idleness by dubbing it, “a chance to get to know God better”. But, God is silent, and for a being who lives for purpose and longs every day for God to speak, reveal Himself and His plan, days are torturously long. I am living from concert to concert, drunk off the praise and worship of the events and then dying in between them. The dormancy of my life is a task and a burden. I am overcome with loss. Restless. Asking the question over and over: why?

Why is God silent? Why am I doing nothing with my life? Why can’t I feel His presence like I once could? Why…? 

If all stories were meant to have a happy ending, there would at least be hope of a glorious resolve, but that is not the case. 

Life is living, loving, and lasting longer than years by the legacy we leave. We live for today, not tomorrow. The future is a certain uncertainty; we cannot know it, so why fear it? On the other hand, that seems the most valid reason to fear the future. As humans, we fear what we don’t understand, what we can’t grasp or fathom. 

God’s plan for my life is something I cannot understand right now, therefore I fear where it may take me. Life for me will never be perfect, or even normal, but it will always be about Christ and never about me.

Moral of the story:

The happy ending you are looking for may only be possible if you start focusing on a happy now. The ending is defined by the path you take to get there. There is no happy ending on the path of sorrow and regret, for those steps lead to dispair and loneliness. Anchor your soul in Christ and don’t attempt to justify or interpret His silence, just serve, obey where you are until He moves you.

As always, thanks for reading. Happy Sunday.

–the anonymous novelist