In Spite Of Me

I won’t lie, it is very difficult for me to come up with good content every day about which to write. Although there are plenty of ideas out there waiting to be discovered, I don’t seem to have more than one of those ideas per day. Sometimes I will just sit and stare at my blank phone screen waiting for something brilliant to pop into my head. Today seems to be one of those days when I lack inspiration. It isn’t from a failure to try, I just haven’t been inspired to write much lately. Still, I will begin writing this post and perhaps by the end of it some manner of purpose and meaning will reveal itself.

I’m an introvert at heart, which is odd considering that I live in a bus 365 days a year with 7 other people and am constantly in the public eye. I am obligated by my lifestyle to be around people, and though I do not loathe that, I am fond of peace and solitude. I am not outgoing, I do not exert myself in a way to make me stand out, it is not in my personality to become the center of attention.

As always, God surprises me. He never ceases to choose the least qualified people for the great task of sharing His Love and glorifying His Name. He loves me so much that He gave me a calling to proclaim Him to many people in spite of my circumstances and personal shyness and introversion. God made me a singer.

I find it odd that a person like me, one who requires silence to develop ideas and to function mentally at the highest level possible, that I should have been gifted with a love of writing. I who was born into never ending noise, crowded in a metal box that is constantly moving, with 7 other people. These are not ideal circumstances for an avid writer. In fact, if I were to detail the positives and negatives of my situation, you might say that they are the worst possible circumstances for a writer to function.

God consistently gives me a love for things that I am ill qualified to handle on my own to reveal His great strength through me. He loves me enough to entrust me with bringing Him praise in the midst of my weakness. God made me a writer.

I’ve never been good. It’s not just that I haven’t been good, it’s more that I’ve willfully been bad. I’m not a good person and neither are you. Without God we would be the most pathetic, most vile of all His creation. Our evil would be so dark that Love itself could never reach us. But, God did care, God did send the Holy Spirit to convict us of our carnality and depravity. We were saved from ourselves.

I, who was without hope, against God and His truth, was shown mercy. The greatest love ever known was given to me, a ransom for my soul. I lived, He died, that was the price for my life. Oh, what a Savior. When I was unlovable, He reached down and held me in His embrace. I repented of my hatred and evil done against Him. God made me a saint.

Everything that I was and all that I am, God has chosen to use for His glory. In spite of me, He still loved unconditionally and gave purpose where there was pointlessness. All that I can be, in spite of me, is because of Him.

As always, thanks for reading.

–the anonymous novelist